Steno & Me (Under the Sea Parody)

Maybe three years ago I came up with the vast majority of lyrics for a parody of Under the Sea related to steno. In typical Chris fashion, it’s gone unused and unpublished, so I’m going to open it up to the community. Feel free to use this. Be mindful of fair use if you include music or anything like that. I won’t be enforcing copyright on the lyrics to the extent I own any, but Disney just might if you were to rip their music.

The steno is always better…
…in somebody else’s take.
They think they’ll replace us…
…but that is a big mistake!
Just feel the words around you…
…right here on the conference floor!
Don’t let lies confound you!
Stenographer’s what you looking for!

Steno and me.
Steno and me.

Baby, it’s better.
We get every letter.
Take it from me!
Upon the comp transcribe away…
…even if it takes all day!
While they are hatin’…
…we demonstratin’!

Steno and me.

Here all the stenos happy…
…as long as you pay the toll.
And if the job is crappy…
…bring on the alcohol!
But if the alcohol is sucky…
…this job’ll be in late!
And if the boss unhappy…
…it’s me she’ll berate.

Steno and me!
Steno and me!

No one can beat us.
AI won’t defeat us.
You will soon see.
We always play by the book…
…perfecting the resting badass look!
We is just typing…
…calling it writing!

Steno and me.
Steno and me.

Rinse and repeat now.
Type to the beat, wow…
…with alacrity!
Even the secretaries, they…
…want to learn the steno way!
It is just faster…
…to be steno master!

Steno and me.

The court do report.
The CART write with heart.
They get all the words…
…and they play the part.
The last Q was fast.
The A was okay.
Just look how this job shook my soul.
Today, we can say…
…the things this job brings…
…are great but frustrate.
I wish we had wings!
Or an extra hand…
…to get the words on demand.
Just watch those orders grow!

Steno and me!
Steno and me!

With this machine our work is pristine.
I’m sure you’ll agree!
What do they got? A lot of hype?
I sure would like to see them type!

Our steno fam here…
…know how to jam here.
Steno and me

Each steno mug here…
…lets us chug cheer.
Steno and me

Each key we whale here…
…steno never stale, dear.

That’s why it’s brighter…
…to use Steno writer.
We got your service!
Never be nervous…
…with steno and me!

Computer Lagging? Check This

Copied directly from a recent Facebook post I made because I am lazy. Also, the night is dark and full of computer problems.

“PSA: If your computer is acting slow recently (Windows): CTRL+ALT+DELETE, Task Manager. Is the “DISK” column running unbelievably high numbers? (94%+) Yes? Does Super Fetch seem to be the biggest “Disk” thing? Yes? Top left of the task manager, Run, Msconfig.exe, find Super Fetch (a Microsoft Service. You cannot see it if you click hide all Microsoft services.) Disable the damn thing. Restart the computer.
Super Fetch is apparently a Microsoft Service meant to increase your computer speed by preloading programs (based on my Google-Fu.) Well, unfortunately, on both my work and home systems, my home system being a gaming desktop with pretty damn good parts, Super Fetch was running out of control and using up all the computer’s resources, creating a full system freeze and making my CaseCAT type at the speed of snail.
All the usual disclaimers, I’m not responsible if you destroy your computer following my instructions, but if you’re having this Super Fetch problem, your computer is probably already making you feel like replacing it.”