A Satirical Response To Getting Paid

I have a friend that wrote about the cost of labor, how we are skilled labor, and posed the question: How do we avoid getting underpaid for our valuable skill.

I had a satirical response that I will paste below:

I propose we tear each other down as much as possible over minor differences in thinking, like where a comma goes, or one space or two after a period. Next, I propose we create a hierarchy of reporters where everyone tests to get better and have better credentials. And realtime is the future because once everyone can do it everyone will make a lot of money, because everyone knows when you increase the supply of something the price goes way high.

And if anyone misses a single payment on their support contract we must make them walk across hot coals because we need everyone to have the most updated technology because everyone knows a transcript made by version 12 and a transcript made by version 13 are completely different. In fact anyone still on version 12 is completely inferior and must be stopped.

Secondly, do not ever host any kind of negotiation or business classes at any convention ever. Occasionally this happens now, and it disgusts me. How could freelancers survive in their own businesses if you teach them how to run their own businesses? This practice must stop.

Also, we should host a large subset of leaders who believe technology cannot do what we do and when it does we should completely give up. We should not rely on the human factor of accountability or the psychological desire of those we work with to have a human reporter, we should stack all our cards on technology never catching up to realtime because we know that technology has never ever caught up with a technical or complicated skill or made any job obsolete ever.

Oh, do not forget, and this is the most important part: anyone without letters after their name is inferior. Don’t spotlight them ever unless they are fully backed by someone with letters. Forget the fact that you can work for a decade or multiple decades in the field without any of those letters or that there is no real leadership skill gained by being “the fastest typewriter in the west.” And if anyone with letters after their name thinks differently, or creates an entire free resource for stenographers, including a free software, never discuss it any positive light or platform, because anyone that can’t spend 3,000 dollars to find out if they like stenography is worthless to us.

Last, probably least, never ever post job openings publicly because then someone you don’t like might apply for it and you can’t have that. Make sure all job postings pass uneventfully and do not under any circumstance make any attempt to organize and post jobs. Keep it in PMs, it’ll reach the right people that way.

You want more pay? You gotta follow the rules just like all the rich companies and CEOs do. They never set any trends, do anything different, or think outside any box: They follow the established guidelines in every legal, moral, and business situation and that’s what makes them rich and successful.


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