Social Media Star Attorney Rebmasel Cancelled for Abusing Her Cat*

On May 8, 2023, the iconic court transcript lawyer Rebmasel posted a bizarre video entitled “Is Eating People Wrong?” Rebmasel begins the “episode” by wearing sunglasses upside down indoors, greeting everyone with a curt, “hello, everyone,” and insisting that the podcast is there to break down cases, calamity, and chaos in the legal field.” RM continues on to talk about a cat named Simba, insisting that the audience can “probably hear him meowing in the background.” At no point in the original video is a cat heard.

After several minutes in, RM again mentions the meowing cat, and goes on a tirade monologue, insisting that she doesn’t want people breaking down the meows, calling in cat experts, and getting her cancelled for cat abuse.

This predictably caused local cat expert Dr. Dawn Picone to jump into action, isolating the parabolic frequencies at which imaginary cats meow. An expert report was issued on June 10, 2023, breaking down the meows, amplifying the sounds, and exposing a distressed meow.

Local Pet Activists, PITA, immediately issued a statement demanding that TikTok delete the account of the rising star to discourage abuse copycats from her 1.6 million followers. When that didn’t happen, Elon Musk chimed in on X, formerly known as Twitter, that he believed the cat would be fully-automated self-driving by next year (again).

Elon Musk makes a 2021 comment about Rebmasel’s 2023 cat abuse — Stenonymous Satire Weekends

Stenonymous remains the ultimate website in accountability media and will not relent until all cat abusers are brought to justice. Just like I told the corporate fraudsters in my field, “we’re coming for ya!”

*None of this is true. It’s part of Stenonymous Satire Weekends, a project initially started to expose corporate fraud in court reporting. This is really more of a parody. I’m actually a fan of Rebmasel, the attorney I’m writing about here. Again, none of this is real.
Today’s lesson isn’t about corporate fraud but a reminder in propaganda techniques. I just used several to get you to read my work and look at hers.

Rebmasel (AL), if you ever happen across this page, I’m a big fan and a huge proponent of chaos. Watched some of your stuff lately about men making women uncomfortable when they approach in non-social public places, so in that same vein, you got nothing to worry about with me. I’m just a writer that heard your podcast and was inspired to make a piece about it. I’m hopeful that if the court reporting agencies I blog about ever sue me, we can get you at least a few good transcripts.

Keep doing what you’re doing, it’s great.

TRANSCRIPTION OF RELEVANT PORTION (JOKE): “for those of you who can hear my cat, again, please ignore him. He’s going through a moment. He’s been through a time. No, I do not want you to start a subreddit saying Rebmasel cancelled for abusing her cat. Okay? I don’t want you breaking down his meows, amplifying the sounds, calling in a cat expert, a feline connoisseur — to tell you, ‘oh yeah, that’s a distress — that’s a distress call.’ ‘Yeah, that specific meow right there, that’s definitely — that’s definitely something heinous. Right, that was derang — ‘ I don’t want — please, God. For the love of God, that would be hilarious, because that would be so delush [delusional] on all y’ all’s part. But I love being part, right, of someone else’s fucking delulu moment. But he is so well fed — ”

2 thoughts on “Social Media Star Attorney Rebmasel Cancelled for Abusing Her Cat*

  1. Woke up to reading this first thing, even before caffeine. As a cat lover, a glimpse of a moment I was caught up in the distressed mee-ows. I then realized it was feline 🐈 folly. I enjoy your writings, Chris. Thanks for the smile 😃

    1. Thank you very much! It’s also a part tribute to my mother Dawn. She took care of like a dozen cats over her lifetime, and many of them I grew up with, so when I saw RM’s podcast I was like… well… this is hilarious, I have to share.

Leave a Reply