*Francesca says be nice to Taylor. What you are about to read is a joke.**
Look, I know that sometimes I come off left wing. Especially after the whole post about the National Court Reporters Association platforming an insurrectionist apologist. But the honest truth is that I’m pretty much like anybody else. Show me a place where I’m accepted and I’ll show you a place I’ll defend with my life. It doesn’t matter very much to me what color I wear or which way the wind blows. The left and right both largely believe in freedom, they just have different priorities when it comes to exercising and expanding that freedom. For example, as a so-called leftist, I focus on the power corporations have over the people, which I find to be dangerous because we do not have a direct vote on how those are run. From what I’ve seen, more right-thinking people (pun intended) view the government as more of a threat because of its near monopoly on violence. See what I mean? Play that over for thousands of issues. We’re a lot more alike than we are different.
Anyway, when Taylor Swift threatened to sue a student for exposing how she was polluting the environment, I looked the other way, because she’s had me listening to that Anti-Hero song on loop for the last three months. Her music is a safe place, and I’d defend it with my life. Who cares if she wants to SLAPP some nobody and trample on their free speech? I mean, it’s not like her abuse of money and power is exactly what I blog against every single day. It’s not like I could do any better with a platform her size. After all, she’s a genius.
But then she made that comment about court reporters. Oh, boy, now that’s a fight ready to come. Drop everything. It’s time to go to war. I can accept telling people to go vote, as despicable as that was. I can get down with the whole billionaire thing. Who wouldn’t be one if the opportunity came calling? The jet thing, small potatoes. But if you insult a $3 billion industry whose entire revenue is dwarfed by some singular companies, that’s just wrong. We’ve already seen how quick law enforcement is to let their fast-fingered cousins be eaten by wolves, and that hurt. But Swift? She was supposed to be on our team. There is no greater betrayal than that.
Laborers didn’t fight and die so that billionaire pop stars could take shots at us. They fought and died so that we could reach a place of such comfort that nobody would speak up as the wealth of the working class was siphoned away through a series of court cases and legislative failures that people are too busy to care about despite it all being laughably obvious that such things were by design. They died so that billionaire autists could spend the GDP of small countries on an American social media site and so that we could put our first bald billionaire into space while corporations loot hospitals for poor people and employers steal billions from hardworking American families every year.
Who cares about history or our country? It’s time for stenographic holy war. From this day forward, all transcripts involving Taylor Swift should be deleted and replaced with the words “HOLY WAR” in place of every word that was in the transcript, with the exception of designations and Q&A. Yes, that includes page numbers and headers.
We may be small, but we punch way above our weight. Luckily for us, we won’t have to punch anyone to win this.
**
Q. HOLY WAR HOLY WAR HOLY WAR HOLY WAR HOLY WAR HOLY WAR?
A. HOLY WAR.
MR. JOHNSON: HOLY WAR. HOLY WAR HOLY WAR.
THE COURT: HOLY WAR.
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