Stenographer Special Operations Team Begins National Spy Program*

In a bizarre turn of events Tuesday, the stenographic spy network Stenonymous released a memo to all agents telling them to disrupt the Fox and Dominion settlement as quickly as possible. “Our livelihood hangs in the balance,” said Stenonymous, “disrupt the settlement talks in any way you can.” Communications experts were deployed immediately, but failed to stop the settlement, reported to be over $700 million.

Stenographer Special Operations Team deployed to disrupt settlement talks across the country. Stenonymous Satire Weekends.

In other news…

Cult of Steno voted least likely to drink the Kool Aid.

Stenographer yells loudly at Congress. Americans’ approval of stenographers jumps 30 points.

Senator Chuck Schumer fails to respond to constituents regarding corporate fraud in court reporting. New Yorkers demanding answers.

Local ASSCR member Christopher Day says “thank God we have this board and Eric Allen. Maybe one day I’ll thank them too.”

Testifying While Black study rendered irrelevant after mostly peaceful riots by court reporters.

Upton Sinclair of court reporting vows to end shortage as long as everyone buys his new book.

Mr. Clean reviews digital court reporting transcript. “There’s nothing that can be done about this mess,” says Clean.

*None of this is true**. It’s part of Stenonymous Satire Weekends, a project to humorously link court reporting to current events (or any events) in a bid to get more search engine hits and call attention to the lies perpetrated on consumers and court administrators by the Speech-to-Text Institute and the companies behind the nonprofit.

**Well, okay, I did contact Schumer’s office about this and try to get some help since the FTC seems inert. But he’s just as corporate-controlled as every other politician, so the chances of him helping were always pretty slim. It’s an interesting thing for me because I’ve been a believer in the system my whole life, only to find out that the system doesn’t give a damn about anything that doesn’t help big business crush or control small businesses and sole proprietors. Maybe I’m lucky Veritext doesn’t sue. The system would probably grant the company summary judgment on a motion to dismiss the complaint. For people that don’t know legalese, it would be like declaring the wealthier baseball team the winner of a game before the game even starts.

There are at least some people hitting up stenographer social media with praises about AI and how it’s going to take our jobs. If you see that stuff, keep in mind that if something so good could replace you at a fraction of the cost, they wouldn’t need to convince you about it, they could just replace you. 🧐

Indiana Bans Typing on Keyboards it Doesn’t Like*

In today’s news…

Local swimmer finds sunken relic, asks New York State Court Reporters Association for identification expertise.

Donald Trump indicted in New York, says the grand jury stenographer got the transcript “bigly wrong.”

Asked to comment on corporate fraud in court reporting, President Joe Biden stated “protecting the Iranian people in their fight against Russia is our highest priority” while fist bumping Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

Global warming scientists: The heat coming off stenographers’ fingers may be to blame.

San Francisco City Council unanimously proclaims Stenonymous.com is an arm of Russian state media.

St. Petersburg Choir attempts to recruit stenographic singer Joshua Edwards

Shortage or PsyOp? Stenographers say “we’re here!” Shortage proponents say “no, they aren’t!”

Governor DeSantis signed a bill requiring Disney to staff at least one stenographer for every 1000 guests.

*None of this is true, or at least has a bunch of partial truths woven in with a bunch of jokes meant to entertain the stenographic audience of this blog. Indiana actually did not go through with its stenography ban as revealed by NCRA this week. This is part of a series of posts called Stenonymous Satire Weekends.

Stenonymous Satire Weekends

Generally the blog’s a source of information that readers can count on to present my honest findings on whatever topic I’m writing about. As news rolls in, I report it. But what to do when that news dries up for a bit? That’s a question I’ve had for a long time. After all, in my view, anything that drives up eyes on our profession is going to eventually bring opportunities. So, to capture those opportunities, I’m willing to put on this loud persona and reach out into the world. Part of that is creating engaging content that might pop into real world searches and get people wondering “what the heck is this?”

So the perfect idea was born. Satire weekends. Once a week I can put out fake headlines or blurbs that the audience will get a laugh at and the search engines will hopefully capture. It’s a no-cost way of reaching more people that’s worth exploring. It’s also a low-risk way of poking the bear, since if the STTI Bloc didn’t sue or threaten to sue over allegations of fraud, they’re definitely not going to do anything over a little humor.

U.S. Government declares a state of emergency, digital court reporting big box corporations not making enough profit. Government intervention is needed to help control a market of 30,000 rabid stenographers, says Veritext CEO*, award-winning pen shorthand writer and congressperson, George Santos.

*Satire comparing the bold lies of George Santos with the lies of the Veritext company.

That’s a good peek at what I want to do. I believe that humor might be a real winning ticket.

Local stenographic cult leader arrested during educational webinar while telling followers “when in doubt, stroke it out.”

Speech-to-Text Institute experts that have never court reported speak out on the future of court reporting.

Truckload of stenotypes stolen by Staten Island man, police investigation ongoing.

Truckload of stenotypes stolen by Staten Island man, police investigation ongoing. (Stenonymous Satire)

Court Reporter Humor – Stenoholics & Andy Bajaña

Beyond the machine, there’s so much creativity and many laughs to be had about our work. A longtime friend had been tagging me in lots of Stenoholics posts, but I’m too boring for Instagram, so I never really paid any attention. Well, when I ran across this coughing video, all that changed. I think I’ve personally experienced almost everything they’ve made a video on, including the traumatic experience of having to take down numbers. Their tribute to Court Reporting & Captioning Week was a sight to behold and admire. Ten out of ten, go give their work some love and attention.

While we’re on the subject of court reporter humor, a best friend sent me this video from Andy Bajaña. Steno students, somebody understands! Andy says on the post he wrote this song when he was in school and didn’t think he’d graduate. So students, if you’re watching and you feel the same, just remember it can be done!

Or if you like to watch people trying to be funny instead of actually being funny, you can check out my very important video on modernizing the administration of the oath.