A 2026 Musing on God

Not a court reporting post. Stop reading if you don’t want to talk religion.

I don’t talk about it often, but I was raised Catholic, and I found a lot of value in that. It’s hard to describe having a connection to God to those that have never experienced it. It feels warm and special.

Harder still is it to describe what would lead one away from that connection. I think I was 14. With regard to the federal restriction of funding of stem cell research, I felt very strongly that restrictions on such research were poorly thought, particularly if those restrictions were for religious reasons. I thought, clearly, if God gave us free will and gave us all this wonderful science to uplift mankind, surely he wanted us to use it, cure the sick, and create a world devoid of suffering.

If heaven is free of suffering, and we are made in God’s image, isn’t it natural that we should want heaven on Earth? I think if we’re honest, most of us would wish it on ourselves. Why not others?

But my awareness of the world grew, and I came to know that there were many who would not be satisfied with heaven on Earth. There were many that enjoyed the suffering of others, especially if circumstances were right.

(As best I understand, we have in groups and out groups in our psychology. The New York implicit bias charge explains it better than I do.)

And I started to look at this world and the many, many things that happen in it. Some of the better moments can feel supernatural, like, this must be God.

But oh, my God, when you look at some of the horrible stuff that happens to people that don’t deserve it. Look at some of the Epstein stuff. The world’s richest and most powerful people were cool with it. What on God’s Earth?

And so I came to the conclusion that if God was all powerful, he was letting a lot of stuff like this happen, and, well, better to disbelieve than worship an evil God.

The interesting thing about this self-imposed atheism is that I still found myself in a state of belief at times.

Take, for example, my medical issue in 2021. There were many ways I could have ended up injured or killed. Instead, I survived, my union protected my job, and I met the love of my life two months later. There’s got to be a God to set all that in motion, right?

But then why me? What makes me so special? That I should just be lucky / blessed enough to be born to a white middle class Staten Island family in 1990 while so many starve and suffer across the world and in our country.

And if there is a God, only he knows why I spend time thinking about it. Maybe I really believe that it’ll lead to something profound.

I can’t shake the feeling that if there is a God he’d want me to tell the world he gave us free will so we could make heaven on Earth. This is human nature 101, we imagine things and then make them happen. From cave paintings to rocket ships in less than 64,000 years. So imagine a world with explosive investment in all the things that make us better people? I just think the returns are too great to pass up for all of us and our children.

We live in a world with real problems and it’s going to take a lot of courage and investment to solve them. I just hope we elect leaders that are willing to try.

And with whatever resources life grants me, I’ll do my part.

Pain Can Bring Light To The World

As my closest readers will remember, 3 years ago I suffered a terrible medical incident. Trapped in an episode of psychosis, my research into the malfeasance of the larger corporations blended with sick delusions. Hospitalized for ten days, I was soon set on a path of recovery and healing where I met my beautiful bride.

That path was not always kind to me. I was called names at work. I was laughed at and mocked both behind my back and to my face. To this day, sources tell me I’m put down behind closed doors. Contrary to the Stenonymous persona of bluster and revenge, I mostly take it in stride. I understand the people that mock me in a way they will never understand me.

I’m sure I’ve said this before. I had a choice whether to shrivel up and hide from the world or use what I went through to help others. I have since been part of the psychosis subreddit on Reddit, occasionally giving my advice and support to sufferers of psychosis and their families. I’ve also been an ear to fellow court reporters that have suffered similar-ish episodes or issues. I am not special. I’m just a guy helping out where I can, when I can. But the people I’m helpful to are special to me.

My struggle is unending. But I’m not writing today to boost myself. We have all, young and old, been through things in our lives that caused us pain. It’s my sincere hope that there are more of you like me that see the validity in my approach and use what you’ve learned to help others. I have written many times before that you, reader, are powerful.

You bring light to the world.

I was part of a group of people urging the original poster to seek medical help this morning.

P.S.

And to those I’ve caused pain, I can only hope my reasons were justified. But it is not my wish to cause pain. It is my wish to survive in a very complex world. Would that I could create a world where we are all winners.

Would that I could singlehandedly illuminate the world.

Do You Believe That Crying Is A Sign of Weakness or Strength?

When I saw that question posted to the Steno Support Group some time ago, I wrote the following, and I’d like to share it now:

“It can be a sign of many things. In the context you are asking, I believe it is a sign of strength. Being able to admit to ourselves that we are overwhelmed, that we feel like crying, that we need to cry, that’s a powerful thing. Suppression of negative emotions can cause physical and mental health problems. There is nothing stronger than keeping yourself healthy so that you do not harm yourself or others.

Look at all the people that wander the world looking down on others for not suppressing their feelings. Do we believe that it is healthy to look down on others because others have not mastered the suppression of emotion? No. We know it is not healthy for them or the people they belittle. What is unhealthy makes us weaker.

So if all it takes to be strong and wash away the toxicity is a good cry, choose strength.”

P.S.

Veritext.org now forwards to Stenonymous because I’m King of the Trolls.

And now for some creative musing…

A court reporter reaches out to Christopher Day, writer at Stenonymous.com

But the truth was I stopped caring about the profession a long time ago…

Such things were the purview of Dom Tursi.

He truly was the last of us.

We who cared about the history.

Did I ever tell you, friends?

I started writing to preserve that history. I saw the organizations of our ilk were malleable.

They would erase history to save themselves.

Who would record the erasure of the scribes?

We are, after all, a pixel in a much larger picture.

But what do you call a picture with missing pixels?

Broken.

But I no longer cared for the profession.

It was the people within I loved.

And some loved me.

You would break them?

Oh, I am not a violent man.

But how dare you?

I will break you.

You will cower in fear, cur.

I will tear down your institutions.

I will make your apathy uncomfortable.

I will butcher your sacred cows.

I will lead others.

No, enlighten them.

I keep my promises.

And I admit I have said all this before.

Those who lambast repetition do not understand the art of spreading a message.

For each time it is repeated, a new soul joins with mine.

They trust me.

They believe in me.

They are me?

I am them.

Some call it the Butterfly Effect.

We call it living.

We will make a difference.

We can change the world.

Because our neurodivergence makes connections some cannot readily make.

We will win.

Because we dream of rewriting history…

…to suit the people that love us.

For we are no different from you.

A Musing on Human Intelligence

George Carlin is often quoted, “think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” The idea, of course, is that when we think averages, medians, and so on, we’re thinking, in general terms, “in the middle.” The logic that follows is half the people must be above the average, half the people must be below the average, because the average is the center.

But it occurred to me some time ago reading this that intelligence is a bell curve. The truth is that we are all mostly within the same range of intelligence. Read that link! Only 2% of the population has an IQ score below 70. The gifted people of the world? Only about 2%. Bottom line? Basically all of society is being run by average people. This includes your favorite politicians, doctors, lawyers, engineers. The smartest person you know is probably in that “average intelligence” ballpark. Think about it. If you know 1,000 people and 2% of people are gifted, statistically, you know 20 “gifted” people. That’s it.

We had, at least when I was growing up, very person-centric education. We learned about great men, sometimes women, and their accomplishments. The founding fathers and the birth of a nation (not that one). The oratory mastery of Martin Luther King, Jr.. Stuff like that. I’ll stop there. Very much like I talked about in the esprit de corps post, we were never taught to think about all of the people that made these things possible. So even if we believe these people are somehow superhuman, then we must acknowledge the average-person societies that made their accomplishments possible.

If Einstein had been born in Constantinople on May 28, 1453, would anyone have ever known or cared? Same man, just a different setting in a world with different people during a different period of human history. Noted by Stephen Jay Gould, “I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convulsions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.”

Said another way: Top 1% rakes in about two thirds of the world’s new wealth. If 2% of the world is gifted and 1% of the world is taking in most of the wealth, then at best, about half of the gifted people are outside of the 1%. But since there is no meritocracy check for being born into a family trust, it seems inevitable that the majority of the gifted human beings on this planet are not making very much money. Most of the money in the world is going to average people, the institutions they run, or the institutions that benefit them.

We’ve seen this play out through current events. Take Billionaire Elon Musk, a very gifted person in many ways. He had this whole persona of intelligence, tech, saving the world. To many, he still does. The technologist. The free speech absolutist. The richest man in the world. He oops’d himself into being forced to buy Twitter for an inflated price and has since lost over half of the company’s purchase price value. There are two lessons you can take away. Either Elon is gifted and still managed to lose $20 billion or Elon is average and just happens to have a lot of money to make his cult of personality thing a reality.

Where am I going with all this?

I couldn’t help but feel that one of the obstacles faced in spreading the word about the fraud stuff, and alerting law enforcement, journalists, and the like, was a bit of educational discrimination. Here are these highly intelligent, underpaid people, law enforcement and journalists. Here’s a guy with no real degree saying “these folks broke the law and there’s no way these numbers could be accurate.” And they’re being told by somebody that makes more money on a whole lot less schooling. How could he know that? He’s not a lawyer. He’s not law enforcement. Haha, sounds like a conspiracy theory, dude, good luck with that.

Except I’ve spent the last 15 years transcribing legal testimony and arguments, with much of that time being spent in actual courtrooms. And even if we assume that I learned nothing from all that time, as a 25 year old I was able to argue and partially survive a motion to dismiss in a federal case by a New York City assistant corporation counsel and survive a motion to dismiss in a state case by a private attorney. Those cases were voluntarily discontinued or dismissed in part because I felt there was enough information in the record to protect me if problems ever arose again. But, again, the bottom line is that I am someone that could, without any legal training whatsoever, read the law, write a sufficient (inartful) complaint, and successfully counter trained lawyers on motions to dismiss. By myself. At 25. With all the developmental delay and disability I’ve blogged about or alluded to in the past.

Conceded that without the internet and the modern ease of accessing information, I’d be as well off as 1453 Einstein. Point is if I could do that, the capabilities of just about every person I know, or have ever known, or will ever know, are so much greater than acknowledged. I can’t tell you how many people tell me they can’t do math. I couldn’t do math either. Then I wanted to do some computer coding. All of a sudden I could do math. And I made an algorithm to create randomized practice tests for New York test takers. How many people that can do math are out there saying they can’t do math? Have you ever told yourself you can’t do something for years only to find out you were wrong? Maddening.

More maddening is that this points to intelligence being less a genetic issue — both barring and including the disabled — and more a mindset. I am aware of how unaware I used to be. I have a tiny idea of how unaware I probably am right now. But this opens my mind to solutions better than my own. That gives me a fighting chance to learn the things I have not learned and do the things I could never do. Multiplied by billions of humans.

This influences my political beliefs. Free healthcare? Hell yeah. Because people that aren’t living in abject terror about their genetic lot in life are more productive for our society and world. Higher wages? Yes, because then that’s more money circulating through the economy and changing hands, rather than sitting in the investment accounts of the average people that think they are gods because they make a lot of money.

And wherever I land on the intelligence scale, I probably seem weird to some of you. Would that I could upload my lived experience into every human being so that they could revisit in their memories the systemic failures that I have witnessed in both government, particularly law enforcement, and healthcare. I can share one that would shock many in my hometown. Years ago, as my medical condition was worsening, I walked into 61 Broadway and caused a scene. Such a scene that the doorman called the police. The police never came. In fact, from what I overheard from the one side of the phone conversation I could hear and the doorman’s reactions, they said they were not coming. Imagine that for a second. You’re a working person, and some guy who’s going through some medical thing that you have no clue about comes in and starts making your job difficult. And the mother fuckers that are supposed to protect you don’t bother. Don’t get it wrong. I think cops, in many ways, are heroes. And that’s what burned that day into my memory. I got to see my heroes do some very, very dark things that week.

For the record, I left voluntarily that day after a government worker from the agency I was trying to contact came down and spoke to me. I’ll never know if she knew that I was in crisis, but she was damn good at what she did.

So perhaps intelligence is not simply mindset, but also a perspective. People cannot live the life I’ve lived in the same way that I cannot live yours. We are smart about different things. And yet more often than not people put each other down simply for thinking differently. I’m guilty of it. I’ve been a “victim” too. I do not know what to do with that except leak it into the world, see if I can help others with my newfound perspective, and see if the world is open minded enough to understand. The benefit? If someone watching me ever has a child going through what I had to go through, they know someone that survived it, and chances are good they know they can come to me for support. Is it the Butterfly Effect? Who knows? For me, a hope that the actions of the past lead to a greater present for someone.

Think of how stupid the average person is. And realize we’re all smarter than that.

Addendum:

The district attorney in my borough was, according to this Law Journal article, looking at getting mental health assessments into precincts. I wrote the office to thank them. I’ve done a great many things to bring attention to the mental health stuff, and it was pretty cool to see that the people in power do seem to understand, on some level, that we need new strategies.

————

I later came across a post explaining the NYPD overworks its officers to the point of it affecting their mental health. My heart goes out to overworked officers. Maybe one day we’ll find a way to address both the problems I talked about above and the abuse of working people — in this case, our officers.