As my closest readers will remember, 3 years ago I suffered a terrible medical incident. Trapped in an episode of psychosis, my research into the malfeasance of the larger corporations blended with sick delusions. Hospitalized for ten days, I was soon set on a path of recovery and healing where I met my beautiful bride.
That path was not always kind to me. I was called names at work. I was laughed at and mocked both behind my back and to my face. To this day, sources tell me I’m put down behind closed doors. Contrary to the Stenonymous persona of bluster and revenge, I mostly take it in stride. I understand the people that mock me in a way they will never understand me.
I’m sure I’ve said this before. I had a choice whether to shrivel up and hide from the world or use what I went through to help others. I have since been part of the psychosis subreddit on Reddit, occasionally giving my advice and support to sufferers of psychosis and their families. I’ve also been an ear to fellow court reporters that have suffered similar-ish episodes or issues. I am not special. I’m just a guy helping out where I can, when I can. But the people I’m helpful to are special to me.
My struggle is unending. But I’m not writing today to boost myself. We have all, young and old, been through things in our lives that caused us pain. It’s my sincere hope that there are more of you like me that see the validity in my approach and use what you’ve learned to help others. I have written many times before that you, reader, are powerful.
You bring light to the world.
P.S.
And to those I’ve caused pain, I can only hope my reasons were justified. But it is not my wish to cause pain. It is my wish to survive in a very complex world. Would that I could create a world where we are all winners.
Would that I could singlehandedly illuminate the world.
I appreciate your writings and all that you are doing for those who are suffering. ❤️
The stigma is real. Because we seldom talk about mental health, when mental illness comes, it’s so much more surprising, humbling, and disorienting than it has to be. And it is so incredibly hard to get care when you are in the middle of a mental health crisis.
I had my own encounter with a combination of panic disorder and post-vasectomy pain syndrome, and many people in my life were not helpful, including some doctors, nurses, and EMTs.
I am grateful for all the people who supported me through that experience.
Be kind to yourself and others. Those people who are mocking you and gossiping about you will inevitably encounter their own mental health crisis one day, and when they do, their attitudes about mental health (combined with our lousy, largely corrupt for-profit healthcare system) will make the experience much worse than it has to be. My experience has made me more empathic.
Thanks for sharing. When you’re ready to get back at it, I’m going to enjoy your takes on the court reporting industry.
My dear, sweet friend. Thank you for sharing your heart and truth. You ARE a light in the world. And you are not alone.
I am so sorry that people mocked you. There is nothing you have done that deserved that disrespect. Those who mock others are scared of facing their own shadows and see those who do as weak. It’s easier to judge and denigrate others than admit the truth of their own weaknesses. Their bravado is a mask.
Publicly admitting your psychosis is incredibly brave. Your courage to share your truth provides a beacon of hope to others who feel lost, scared, and afflicted.
I admire your brave heart, brilliant mind, passionate pursuit of truth and justice, and love for our profession. Your research and posts have had a huge positive impact on our profession and illuminated the world. Just by being the uniquely courageous, talented, kind-hearted, imperfect human you are.
I love you, Christopher, and am happy you found your beloved to be by your side. I am blessed to be your friend. ❤️
I remember this clearly because I related so strongly. I went through a bad few years of depression and personality changes as a result of a head injury from a car accident. I found out quickly who my friends were and weren’t. When everyone is used to you being the strong one, then you suddenly need some help, people run away.
I’m actually happy now that I went through this because it’s made me much more empathetic to others who are suffering with depression and other mental illnesses. Take care of yourself, my friend! You’re a hero to me!