In a statement released Thursday the popular court reporting blog Stenonymous revealed that it was seeking a sugar donor for investment in increasingly bold media stunts. Q1 Revenue was lower than expected, causing panic among the Stenonymous board of directors, long lambasted for its complete lack of diversity.
In other news…
New constitutional amendment: A stenographer must be present to record Miranda warnings.
Bud Light hires controversial stenographic strategist Christopher Day to promote the brand. “When the liberal mafia and real American conservatives figure out I’m a cis white male roleplaying as a malignant narcissist, sales will go through the roof,” says Day.
Juul settlement causes uproar in the world of court reporting. “Couldn’t they just wait until discovery was over?” says local deposition reporter.
NYC Fire Department’s Bureau of Investigations and Trials investigator under fire after fist bumping stenographer during secret proceeding.
NCRA Spokesperson: “No, we will not be having the convention in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.”
Disney searching for stenographer for impending lawsuit. Must pledge loyalty to the House of Mouse and will be paid in Disney gift cards.
*None of this is true. This is part of Stenonymous Satire Weekends where I try to mix news and current events with steno to get some hits and draw attention to ongoing fraud in court reporting. It brought up April’s stats, so I think it’s worth it to continue.