AI Will Revolutionize Court Reporting, You’ll See!*

*This is a creative writing exercise meant to make the reader think. While it will talk about real world things, it does so in a way that is meant to be funny-ish, dark humor. One of my readers mentioned these joke posts can be unpleasant because the reveal comes at the end. We’re going to try doing it at the beginning now.**

AI has been used as a buzzword to milk investors for years now. It’s only natural that the tiny court reporting industry follow suit. After all, AI has never killed anyone or gotten them raped in jail. What could go wrong when we’re dealing with the accuracy of court records and the strength of meritorious appeals? After all, all trials result in a perfect verdict all the time. The system never goofs.

Look at how AI improved medical transcription. It made sure your doctor’s eyes are on that transcription during your appointment. What? You want them to examine YOU? Quality care is not part of the Leonard Green model of looting hospitals for poor people. Similarly, Leonard Green asset, Veritext, continues its push to lower quality wherever profitable.

From 95% in 2016 to 25% in 2020, technology is exponential, so there’s nothing you can do, just give us your jobs. Actually, no, just come work for us for less. Digital reporting is the future. You can just take less money to clean up our ASR. And that’s progress because then your money is in our wallet.

Look, even if you think there may be some quality issues with the AI stuff, it’s inevitable. These folks have more money than us. There’s definitely no world where court reporters make so much noise about digital reporting that the cost of advertising for digitals outweighs the cost of not being a scheming dickhead. No, that could never happen.

Give up and do nothing. That is the way of the “virtuous person.”

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

**So that whole private equity thing where the companies buy, hold, and sell other companies, it’s a cool way to make money. But as it turns out, my blog has been increasing investor knowledge too. Big box might not be able to sucker another firm into buying their company. This might become one of so many leads that turns into a big nothing burger, but stay tuned.

Addendum:

Following this post, a valued reader sent me this, showing the Florida Bar seems to be aware of AI pitfalls, and this, indicating that the FTC is looking at the potential power of the “Big AI” cartel.

Another valued reader pointed out the Taylor Swift AI controversy.

Court Reporter Breaks Silence, Advises Defendant: “Kid, Take the Deal…”*

On Monday morning in the Wyoming Court of Great Big Palatial Justice, Sal Nuturile stood beside his lawyer as the prosecution put a plea offer on the record.

According to several eyewitnesses, when the prosecutor, Dan Fielding, explained that the top count would be dismissed after the plea and the defendant would be able to plead only to the E felony and receive 1 year instead of the 2 and a half to 7 he might have otherwise received, Mr. Nuturile seemed discontent with the offer. The official court reporter, Buddy Rydell, began coughing loudly before locking eyes with Nuturile. “Kid, take the deal.” Audible gasps filled the room. Court reporters, known for their silence and relative neutrality, are not known for interjecting themselves into proceedings and advising defendants in open court. “What? Look, I’ve been doing this a long time.” Suddenly he bellowed “IT’S THE BEST HE’S GONNA GET!”

Pointing accusingly at the defendant’s lawyer, Atticus Finch, Rydell got louder. “You! Did you finish law school? Because your client’s about to lose the best deal he’s gonna get! They’re only keeping the offer open for today! Chop, chop, pal. Is this Legal Aid or Legal Malpractice?”

Mr. Finch reportedly requested that the Court go back on the record and return to the proceeding, and suggested a second call to discuss the offer with his client. The court reporter’s antics continued without pause. “What is there to discuss? Is your case load not heavy enough? Are you really going to miss a chance to plead out on a sweetheart deal?”

By then court officers had assisted Rydell to his feet and began escorting him out. According to a source speaking on the condition of anonymity, the reporter has been checked into a psychiatric facility where they will pretend to treat him until insurance can no longer be billed.

We reached out to the chambers of Judge Chamberlain Haller for comment but received no response. The Office of Obtuse and Obstructive Court Managerial Paperwork released a statement that the court is bringing in digital court reporters because, quote, “stenography appears to drive people insane. It’s definitely not the fact that we certify them at 225 words per minute with 95% accuracy and then expect them to take down spurts of 250 words per minute testimony at around 99% accuracy. It can’t be that society cycles back and forth between telling them their job is obsolete and super important, and has been doing that for literally half a century. If they don’t like the fact that their job is dependent on people speaking clearly enough to be understood word-for-word, and that nobody involved, including lawyers, witnesses, etc, wants to cooperate with that process, then they should just get a different job and eat the loss of schooling and equipment. Then we can do like the California Court CEOs and claim shortage while we use the money earmarked by the legislature for attracting court reporters for hookers and blackjack.”

Check back for more updates.

*None of this is real. It’s another creative writing exercise based off a rumor I heard a long time ago. Feel free to republish, adapt, and so on and so forth. It can also be used as a thought exercise for our actions in court and how they may be perceived by others, but most of us are fairly aware of that.

Anybody in the audience that would be interested in a creative writing contest? When I was in the NYSCRA board we had a poetry contest with blind judges to avoid favoritism. We also allowed contestants to choose whether their work would be published and whether they would be credited or anonymous. I could easily set up the same here. If I get at least 10 comments below with interest in such a thing I will look into doing something within the next few months.

Thanks again. Have a wonderful week all.

Local Court Reporter Takes His Own Arraignment*

On Thursday the Onondaga Criminal Court arraignments had a surprise visit from the embattled z-list court reporting personality, X, formerly known as George Santos. Santos, having been charged with being too compliant with police officers, was discovered to be a stenographer just shortly into the proceeding.

Stenonymous publishes “real” court transcript for creative writing exercise.

After the reveal, Mr. Santos was asked by the Court to relieve the official court reporter taking the proceedings. Mr. Santos allegedly turned to her, smiled, and said, “don’t worry, I got this. I’m the NCRA Fastest Fingers Award Winner of 2023. Elon Musk is going to buy you a horse for your trouble.”

Once Santos was behind the keys of the stenotype, the rest of it went well for him. In the transcript obtained by Court Tee Vee, an unprecedented situation unfolded.

THE COURT: Well, Mr. Santos, it seems there’s been a mistake. Your lawyer, Mr. Richards, has pointed out that the accusatory instrument has a fatal defect. The case is dismissed and sealed.

THE PROSECUTOR: Oh, Mr. Santos, we are so, so sorry for our malicious prosecution. Please don’t use the transcript of this proceeding to sue us.

MR. RICHARDS: My client is a benevolent and understanding person. In addition to being the first man to the moon and the only person to single handedly save an entire school bus of children with his left pinky, he donated enough to charity to end world hunger and eliminated unemployment worldwide. There’s no reason for him to sue you, and your apology is humbly accepted.

THE COURT: By the way, Mr. Santos, thank you for ending the court reporter shortage fraud by creating a controversy so obnoxious that there isn’t a single person that hasn’t heard of stenography. That was a bold move, and it really paid off for your profession, they should be proud.

THE DEFENDANT: Your Honor, it was no trouble. The court reporters living here and working every day to make this county shine, they’re the real heroes.

(Whereupon, court officers and court clerks all broke into tears as the sun shone through an open window and a beam of light cast a spotlight on X, formerly known as George Santos. As he exited the courtroom, a flock of doves carrying the mice from Cinderella fluttered through the window and dropped their furry friends, and everyone left the courtroom while singing We All Lift Together from the worldwide critically acclaimed MMORPG Warframe. Yes, including the mice and doves.)

Critics question the parenthetical at the end. Court officers, known for their professionalism, helpfulness, and dedication to the safety of courthouses, and clerks, also known for their professionalism and dedication to the just and fair operation of courthouses, simply don’t do that kind of thing. A source speaking on the condition of anonymity stated that in reality, the relieved stenographer was actually 1,567% more qualified than Santos, so we’re not really sure what occurred that day.

Breaking news. Check back for more updates.

*None of this is real. It’s part of Stenonymous Whatever I Want Weekends, a thing I just made up for when I want to do something different like this parody of so many flavors. According to a source that wishes to remain anonymous, in the incident this was based on, the erroneously-charged case was dismissed and sealed 14 days after arraignment. The source believes that a small percentage of our field does not understand the gravity of our work and how it can impact people’s lives, and that by making this excerpt and attached writing exercise public, we can all be reminded that anyone can be charged with anything, and that treating all lawyers, litigants, and the public equally is imperative. “It could be any of us one day,” he said.

Thanks again, Anonymous. I share these beliefs, but even if I didn’t, I’d probably have published anyway for the literary and conceptual value.

From Anonymous and myself, thank you for making this profession shine every day with your hard work and dedication.

The Plot to Control America’s Courts*

The Associated Press reported on Thursday that the companies that control the court reporting industry have been bought out by KKR and Blackstone, each now representing half of the country’s current court reporting workforce. The FTC’s Lina Khan stated in a recent press conference on the issue that court reporters were “pretty much on their own” because helping such a small industry is a “colossal waste of time and resources.”

All of this happened simultaneously with a change in state law that would allow court reporters in California to work in Texas. Opponents of the bill said that the lack of mutual reciprocity was concerning.

Local court reporter Jim Jones said “wow, my association could’ve done something about this, but all the board members were making money by selling off their businesses to the perpetrators. Who could have seen this coming?”

After the news broke, enigmatic blogger Al Anonymous posted to popular court reporting blog Steno Imperium that the wholesale purchasing of court reporting firms and ousting of professional court reporters from courtrooms was done to sway the record in big money’s favor. “Think about it,” Al wrote. “When you have transcribers that are paid pennies, desperate to keep their jobs, they’ll change anything for a buck or if they’re ordered to by their boss. Those pressures exist even in traditional court reporting circles. What hope do we have if you trade that responsibility away to a culture without ethical boundaries?”

Shortly after, a Staten Island home was raided by police and the Steno Imperium blog went offline. There are no further updates at this time.

Court Reporting Company of the Year, Veritext, through its representative Jane Doe, stated, “We are pleased with this outcome. Now nobody will have to bribe judges to win appeals. They can just bribe us. All profits matter.”

*None of this is true. It’s part of Stenonymous Satire Weekends. I used to use these to expose corporate fraud in court reporting, but this time I’m doing it as more of a cautionary revisiting of the leadership vulnerability issues that I raised in the Cost of Corruption article.

The private equity model has dug its claws into everything from court reporters to emergency medicine physician staffing. If KKR and Blackstone are giving DOCTORS a run for their money, you can bet we’re all going to feel it sooner or later. But use this as a creative thinking exercise. If you continue to allow the corporate consolidation of court reporting and the alleged massive shifting of the workforce to people they’re going to pay less and treat worse, how easy is it going to be for the wealthy to influence transcripts? At least with stenographic notes, you can’t easily alter the stenographic strokes, so any lawyer could hire another reporter to read the notes and see if stuff was left out or filled in from a source other than the stenographic notes. With audio, as we know, court audio goes missing and court administrators in other states hide it by omission. Audio’s also far easier to edit than stenographic strokes.

Till next time.